I am so proud of myself. About a week ago, I realized I was burntout rigorously practicing mindfulness and body-based emotion regulation tools. Isn’t it funny how everything can become an addiction or obsession? I had that stomach-turning “I’m going to be overwhelmed” feeling after I had the thought, “wait, i feel like my rigorous practice time is over and i’m ready to just be for a while and practice when i feel like it”. I had that stomach-turning “I’m going to be overwhelmed” feeling again thinking, one, about a functional medicine detox program I am considering signing up for – because of the strictness of the diet and I don’t want to get obsessed with (trapped by) the dietary restrictions. And then I had that stomach-turning “I’m going to be overwhelmed” feeling again thinking about the complexity of the Raw Movement multi-year program I am designing.
Anyways, this overwhelm feeling, this fear feeling – and the fear of it – is at the root of that which has had me feel powerless previously. And so I am so excited that I truly realized that “I’m going to be overwhelmed” actually means, “I don’t want to do that” or “I’m too tired to do that”. My brain/body/nervous system has been in so many situations where I was not removed from an overwhelming situation or did not remove myself that it often automatically goes to “I’m going to be overwhelmed” but listening to that stomach turn helped me to see that that stomach-turn was actually a fight-flight mobilization of my body, a “no”, a boundary.
This “I’m going to be overwhelmed” thought pattern is so core to my experience of life previously and is now so engrained in me that I am thrilllllled that listening to my body is giving me information about my own power. It’s another example in my journey of things that previously had me shutdown immediately are turning into a place where I am able to mobilize and take action. I am thankful for every opportunity my body lets me know that the answer is “no”. Yes! From “I’m overwhelmed” to “I’m going to be overwhelmed” to “I don’t want to do that” to “I will not do that”, what a journey!