Hi all,
I wanted to share with you all my recent process dealing with that I’m-going-to-be-overwhelmed-by-all-the-things-i’m-doing-leading-teaching feeling. For a bit of backstory, this e-mail is to participants of the improv group I am facilitating. So proud of my own commitment to this practice of rawness, and honoring my needs/boundaries and listening to my body for what it needs. An excerpt from my e-mail to the participants from last week:
“Y’all, I have had a whole journey with my nervous system reacting to this 10-week improv group. While I was burnt out, my body was saying “cancel everything and don’t look back!” and then as I recharged, that went away. The recurring thought again emerged that “I’m going to be overwhelmed” – not because of my level of trust with the group this time (because I’m pretty sure I feel quite safe with this group) but because of starting multiple groups/projects at the same time during the end of January or beginning of February. As I listened to this “I’m going to be overwhelmed” thought and feeling, I realized that, because I am the sole “lead” facilitator, that sense of “I’m going to be trapped” emerged thinking of ten dates over three months, along with my other commitments! What I’ve (re)discovered is that, in this instance, what I need is flexibility and exit strategies, meaning… I am entering into an unknown where my needs and boundaries matter, where my nervous system being depleted means that I will not show up to things!
And this puts me into a new place with Raw Movement. Ideally in the future I will co-lead so that cancellations are highly unlikely, but in this group, I am the space creator so what IIIIII need for my nervous system to feel safe is to communicate to you all that I may cancel, pause, take a week off, or alter our meeting frequency depending on how my nervous system feels. I’m also considering a buffered type of setup in the future if I am the only facilitator – say, eight sessions over an 8-12 week period, where four possible “cancellations” are expected. I share all of this because we are all similarly committed to caring for ourselves and leading. This is me discovering the in-between – rather than running from all commitments, I am asking myself: how can I remain committed and connected and in community, while also honoring my needs? Okay, that was long, but uhhhh… it is a wonderful practice that we will be in together – caring for our individual needs while also practicing how to uphold the integrity of our communal space. Thank you already for your grace and experimentation — oh, and most certainly any cancellations = some refund! May the experimentation begin!
Thank you for receiving these needs/boundaries and I welcome and applaud those that you have as well. And as usual, if you’d like to express any thoughts, feelings, or physical sensations that are arising as we enter the beginning of our improv group – or if you’d like to express anything that would have you feel more seen, heard, comfortable, do let me know. I am here and would love to hear from you. Any nerves are completely fine, valid, normal, etc.!”
It remains to be seen, based on my body, what I decide about how often the group meets but the important part is that I am celebrating myself for listening to and catering to the slowness and spaciousness that my body needs.
Justina Kamiel