Many of us are finding that, to truly deeply connect to ourselves, we must choose to rebel. And you are probably very attuned to this. For example, one practice of rebellion for many of us is in boundary-setting. Practicing setting boundaries – loose, firm, tight, wide, slinky, slanky, slippy, dippy – whatever your boundary flavor – setting them is all the rage. And there is a certain connection to self that happens when we practice saying no, or saying what we really mean, or disagreeing with a period at the end of the statement. When we rebel, we remember who we are, that we are in command of our selves.
And rebellion as a practice is so powerful for us in particular because we live in a culture that socializes us to subconsciously believe that we all should be and behave the same. We live in a culture that rewards homogeneity and punishes divergence from the mainstream. So, in order to survive this culture that we live in, we necessarily, had to pretend to be the same as what we were taught was the best option for us. Pretend to be ladylike, pretend to be straight, pretend to be strong, pretend to be interested in dull conversations, pretend to want marriage, pretend to want a 9 to 5, pretend to be unemotional, pretend to not need help, pretend to not be in pain, pretend to be okay. We had to pretend. And we dared not think of rebelling. Well, literally, growing up we were conditioned to not even think of rebelling lest we be outcast and unloved.
And now here we are with the ability to choose for ourselves who we are. And now here we are in this practice of deeply connecting to our selves. We are finding, that in order to stay true to this work of deep connection, we are being called to rebel. And rebellion as a practice is essential in any culture that rewards homogeneity. By very definition of culture being an institution that is about creating cohesion aka sameness, rebellion is necessary in every culture. In every culture, in order to retain one’s individual sense of deep connection, if one has the conception of the individual of course, one must interrogate their own practice of rebellion.
So now that I’ve established that we all need to be rebelling at all times, what even is rebellion and what is rebellion as a practice? Well, I would say that rebellion includes saying no, being different, diverging from the mainstream, disagreeing. Rebellion is an action or a way of being that is simply different from what is expected or rewarded.
Because of the culture replete with homogeneity that we were raised in, I will make the outlandish statement that the practice of individual rebellion might be the most essential liberatory practice, even before collective deep connection. Because we have been so divorced and disconnected from our raw selves, from our natural ways of being that we were birthed into this world with, any attempt to create deep connection within groups can serve to soften us into connecting via the lie of who we always practiced being. Many programs and spaces focus extensively on creating connection and neglect the practice of disruption as a necessary element in any space of deep connection. I would call this a part of the “default toxicity” of spaces, toxicities generally present in spaces by default. And I’d all say this particular toxicity is pretty natural for humans. More on that in a moment.
In order for our deep connection to others to be meaningful and true, we must bolster it with a deep and fervent practice of individual rebellion. This means a fervent practice of saying no, being different, diverging from the group, disagreeing, behaving, thinking, and being in ways that are not expected or rewarded. So this turns the idea of groups and programs on its head because when people gather they naturally gather with the desire to cohere – to create structures and culture so that there is a stable and secure world where everyone knows how everyone else will be. But the issue is that we do not aim to recreate the structures of homogeneity that boxed us into being who we are not.
And so we are in our own individual practices of rebellion annnnd we desire to cohere into spaces of deep connection, that also share this commitment to rebellion. And we must grapple with the natural process of coherence and homogeneity that makes it difficult, even in a group of rebels, to rebel. So what structures, practices, processes, do we use to encourage a culture of rebellion? What structures and practices of rebellion are you using or dreaming of using?
May we applaud ourselves for this painful process of rebelling, of going against all that we have ever been taught about who to be, how to think, what to believe, what kind of life to create. So many systems have taught us to reject who we are and we have not conceded. I applaud us. We are seeing that coming home to our deepest connection to our raw selves requires deep rebellion.
Many of us are understanding that we have gone so much of our lives believing that there was something wrong with us – when in reality, it was our spaces that were not meeting our needs. When we enter spaces that are not a fit for our needs, spaces where our body is overwhelmed, we can call that space toxic to our body. Because systems of disconnection and conditioning pervade our society, many spaces have “by default” not met our needs and, therefore, have been toxic to us. Taking on the toxicities of all spaces we have inhabited through our lives, these toxicities “clog up” our bodies, often leading us to be “chronically overwhelmed”. This process of recounting the toxicities of our spaces is critical. Collectively and rigorously seeing the “default toxicity” within our past spaces (what I call “microsystems of disconnection”) provides us with intimate understandings of space elements that we can use to design or redesign our spaces of deep connection.
And there is so much more that we are learning we must unravel. What we often overlook in our spaces when we talk about designing spaces of deep connection where our needs are met is that which is much less obvious, the energetic space. To see all toxicities contributing to our spaces, we must be able to “see” and measure all of the energy of spaces (e.g., mental toxins created by racism, patriarchy; toxicities in our light, sound, air; patterns of disconnection that individuals bring with them). Fully seeing all toxicities, we can begin to understand where exactly our spaces (and our bodies) have been “clogged up”. Then, we can begin to experiment with moving that energy and unclogging our spaces (and our bodies).
Collective (movement) practice, which focuses on how we collectively move energy, then, is a powerful approach to designing spaces of deep connection. It is an often-hidden, ancient approach that many of us are seeking, studying, or drawn to, though we call it different things. I define collective (movement) practice as the collective practice of moving physical energy in a space to create the energetic conditions necessary for deep connection to be possible. I believe there is gold in the rigorous study of collective (movement) practice and these ancient wisdoms are here to teach us how to do our Work of designing spaces of deep connection. As we step into our full power to build spaces of deep connection that meet our needs, as we slowly uncover ancient wisdoms of collective (movement) practice, we all deserve the opportunity to learn the truth and the power of collective (movement) practice. Zooming out, we can see that, within this study of collective (movement) practice, there are thousands and thousands of years of ancient science, art, design, culture, and medicine guiding us as we build our spaces of deep connection. May we find each other, study together, learn together. May we fully step into our power as builders of spaces of deep connection. Join us at our Open House to collectively practice seeing the “default toxicity” of the microsystems of (dis)connection we’ve left behind and to co-learn, reflect, and share about how we use collective (movement) practice to design/redesign spaces of deep connection.
These ideas and questions are central to Raw Movement, an approach to inquiring about and experimenting with co-creating spaces of deep connection through collective (movement) practice. If you’re in the practice of creating grounding, deep connection, home, family, and desire to experiment with co-creating spaces of deep connection, find out more about Raw Movement at: www.rawmovement.org.
This writing is a part of my Conversations on Deep Connection series. If you’re also in the practice of creating grounding, deep connection, home, family and would like to get notified of new conversations, click here to get notified of new conversations.