In the middle of February, while doing my consultation work with SLMDances, I invited performers and leaders to reflect on their toolboxes for caring for themselves, and what is currently affecting their capacity right now. I took the opportunity to take an assessment of myself and wanted to share with you my reflections. Here is a quick summary, and for the items that were affecting my capacity I listed how it was affecting my body (taking me into fight-or-flight, freeze, fawn, or safe and connected):
What is My Current Care Toolbox?
- Rest
- Lying down
- Breaks after events & activities
- Many breaks during the day
- Calming Social Environments: low stimulation
- Emotion Expression Groups: ever uvi, embodied black girl village, party noodles, gem, felicity house, etc.
- Support by Amber, health coach & caring for bodily energy
- Writing: Poetry, Discernings, Musings
- Nourishing food: rice, beans, protein, fruit, bitter veggies
- Water
- Bodywork: cervical care/chiro, massage
- Talking with friends
- Light stretching/PT, theragun, rolling
- Walks
- Resilience Toolkit Practices: somatic practice
- Migraine hat
- In the moment practices: toolkit practices (arm sweep, butterfly hug, resting my eyes), migraine hat, stretching
- Journaling, processing emotions and experiences, reflecting
- Distress practices: rest/no stimulation/leave
- Theme of my care toolbox: space & time! rest
What Is Affecting My Capacity?
- Sensory Overload In Public Spaces
- Buses/trains/long travel – f/f (and fighting fawning)
- Managing sensory needs/finding accommodations – f/f and fawning (and safe/connected)
- Dealing With Transition
- Missing family – freeze (and fighting fawning)
- Being alone/caring for self – freeze (and fighting fawning)
- Transition – freeze
- Divorce recovery/grief – freeze
- Physical exhaustion/recent illness/fatigue/deconditioning – freeze
- Grief: pandemic, relationship changes, moving, family+friend losses, identities: lesbian, autism – freeze (and safe/connected)
- Political events, global events & collective fear/grief freeze & f/f, fighting fawning
- Detox Fatigue/Herx
- Money/Resources
- Unstable money – f/f
- Applying to jobs, fellowships, and residencies – f/f (and fighting fawning)
- Launching/starting Raw Movement: camp, gatherings, open house — freeze, f/f (and safe/connected and fighting fawning)
- New Groups & Supports
- Forming new friendships and relationships – safe/connected
- Forming new support systems – safe/connected
- Recovery from severe illness – – safe/connected
The best part of doing this exercise was reflecting on what currently creates care in my life and what currently takes me beyond my window of tolerance. My reflections were that: To address sensory overload, I need to maximize my comfort and calm, and be truly with honest with myself. To address emotional overload, I need to engage in the most honest emotional expression, reflection, validation, support, and processing. To address money/resources/career stresses, I am creating a financially stable home for Raw Movement that truly feels good and is a fit for my needs. And to continue cultivating new supports/groups, they must be spaces for un-masking. The biggest theme that relates to my care toolbox is being supported (or cared for)!
Further reflections I had: if i am fawning, I will be constantly be exhausted and not be able to deal with this transition or acquire the stability of money/resources I need. I need rest, space, and time, and SUPPORT to process my honest, non-fawning feelings about this transition and what I’ve experienced the last few years/life . I need stable resources/money/home for me and Raw Movement (and my writing) that does NOT involve my fawning or pretending, that is in reality with what capacity I currently have, how much/many resources/money I need and also how much Raw Movement needs to flourish. I need non-fawning groups of unmasking. I need to be myself and be honest.
Hope you’ve enjoyed my reflections and would love to hear about your musings on how you are caring for your body/nervous system, given what is affecting your capacity 🙂