oh, man. i’m feeling a little thrilled. yesterday, i had a talk with a friend that ignited an interesting “conclusion”. the past two years of sitting with so much sadness, loss, suffering, grief within me – i have noticed that a few phrases bring me immediate relief (provided i am bodily within my window of tolerance). one, there is nothing wrong with you. two, you are not going to die (right now). three, it’s okay to feel afraid (or i love you when you feel afraid.).
any who, my conversation with my friend brought to light some questions and themes within all of the healing, activist, spiritual and therapeutic work i’ve ever encountered. we all avoid suffering so much. even the spiritual work that is about accepting suffering, we (i) often approach with the goal of ending suffering. i brought up how it is interesting that i say i want intimate, deeply connected “grounded” relationships but is “grounded” code for divorced from/avoidant of suffering?
This is funny that i say this when what i most have ever wanted is to be there for and have others be there for me WHEN i suffer. what gives with our obsession with eliminating all suffering? if ever there were a time to be psychologically, emotionally, physically suffering, is it not now? i am toying with this idea of not simply being “grounded” because that again can get dissociated and “spiritual” – but how might i practice being “grounded in emotion”? i am turned on by this idea i have of celebrating and throwing parties for my “negative” emotions. it has always, always, always been shame about emotions – that something is fundamentally wrong with me, bad about me because of sadness, fear, stress – it is the shame that causes me to feel overwhelmed and disconnected.
It has never been the fear, the sadness, the anxiety, the whatever. to be “grounded” in emotion. perhaps this flies in the face of all of the things and people who have told us, we need to fix ourselves, solve our trauma, suffer less, feel less, be more put together, transcend ourselves, liberate ourselves, transform ourselves. what if, i just Am. what if, we just Are. and we could just be. we could all, just – be sad, together. ooooo, to be grounded in emotion. damn. that is uncomfortable 🙂