I am sitting here in deep reflection, sadness, love, and gratitude – processing how much intense suffering is going on in the world at this moment. Many of us are alone or isolated – or at least feeling alone and isolated, wondering what our future holds and when the pandemic, the isolation, and social and political unrest will abate. Many of us are suffering, at least I am. And there is nothing wrong with that.
I mean, obviously there is something wrong with our horrible social, economic, and political systems to allow and encourage our suffering – and the suffering of some groups over others in some domains. But there is nothing wrong with suffering itself. Suffering is a natural part of life. Death is a part of life. Loss is a part of life. Transitions are a part of life. Change is a part of life. Natural disasters, diseases, famines, wars, plagues – are a part of life. We all know this cognitively, but for some reason, we think that we should be exempt from the natural conditions of life. We’ve read about it in history – but wait, we have to be a part of history? During this pandemic, I’ve realized, yes, I have to be a part of history and that includes the part where we suffer.
At least hmm three times a day, I remind myself that the way that I am feeling is a direct result of the conditions (read:stressors) I am experiencing: global pandemic plus isolation plus being in-between homes plus relationship changes plus chronic pains. And then my body can relax a bit, knowing that there is nothing wrong with me. My body and brain is responding to whether or not its needs are met.
Suffering is not personal. Suffering is not personal. Suffering is not personal.
Let’s get a bit more specific.
On one level, suffering is a scientific phenonomena – a mutable problem that can be solved. Every human being has somewhat universal needs, with every individual having variations (for example, universal needs are physiological needs like hunger and thirst, and needs for perceived safety, for belonging, for love, for a sense of security/stability, etc.). When one of those or more than one of those needs are (perceived to be) not met – for example, during a global pandemic where we lack stability and fear for our and our loved one’s safety – we suffer. So we may reduce our suffering by attending to our needs: How can we feel safer? How can we feel we belong? Feel loved? Feel more secure and stable? This is mutable suffering.
On another level, as we’ve discussed, suffering is endemic, ubiquitious – just a part of life that cannot be dealt-with-and-reduced. Yet again, we are in an global pandemic where we lack stability and fear for our and our loved one’s safety. Yes, perhaps this pandemic and social and political unrest could have been and can be reduced but the concept of experiencing suffering individually and collectively cannot be. This is immutable suffering. “Negative” emotions and events are a part of life.
There is a part of suffering that we can “control” – that is mutable – and there is a part of suffering (suffering as a holistic concept) that is unavoidable.
Can we be with the universal-discerned fact that suffering is just simply a part of life – that perhaps nothing is wrong right now – and with the scientific-grounded fact that we suffer individually and in groups when our needs aren’t met? Can we accept that suffering is a natural part of life, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with us, with our groups, or our families — while also taking action on those mutable areas of suffering?
You are reading this because you are choosing to attune to your and our suffering, to love yourself as you suffer, and to discern the nature of our suffering.
I applaud you, I applaud us, for feeling and discerning at the same time. At this moment, together, we are practicing seeing the impersonal nature of suffering. Seeing this impersonal nature of suffering, not lulled into the immobilizing myth that there is something wrong with us or with life, we are able to direct some energy into the simply scientific discovery of what individual and collective unmet needs are causing our suffering. We most naturally are being driven to meet those needs together – and suffer less where mutable and suffer together where immutable. I applaud us. I love us, especially as we suffer.
These ideas and questions are central to Raw Movement, an approach to inquiring about and experimenting with co-creating spaces of deep connection through collective (movement) practice. If you’re in the practice of creating grounding, deep connection, home, family, and desire to experiment with co-creating spaces of deep connection, find out more about Raw Movement (soon) at: www.rawmovement.org.
This writing is a part of my Conversations on Deep Connection series. If you’re also in the practice of creating grounding, deep connection, home, family and would like to get notified of new conversations, click here to get notified of new conversations.