Last night as I was half-sleeping my brain was whirring with thoughts about my recent post about my (and our) intense experience of The Void, the darkness, the unknown. Sophie (a friend, peer, mentor, guide from Sophie Co.) had presenced me to the ways in which my ancestors work in me, through dance, and at that moment I fell deeper into myself.
At first, I perhaps naively thought: I wonder how my ancestors or our ancestors thought, dealt with, approached the intensity of this void, darkness, unknown. Well, obviously, the thought came later – they did what you do. They danced. They engaged in movement rituals that deeply connected them to their bodies, to all physical beings, nature, the universe. They felt alive in their bodies so that the unknown was also alive too.
I thought to myself: remember all of those body-based practices, movement rituals, and disciplines you’ve been studying. That is how your ancestors dealt with the unknown, the darkness, the void. Though I don’t yet know specifics about how my ancestors dealt with void, darkness, unknown culturally and spiritually – I do know they danced.
And then I had one more remembrance as my brain processed this while sleeping in the dark, the void, the unknown, the space between awake and sleeping. My ancestors are within me. And I don’t say that in a loose-y, goose-y, abstract way. I was literally within my ancestors and my ancestors are literally within me. You know, the eggs, the sperm, the DNA replication process. Their cells, pieces of them, created me. I was in my ancestors and my ancestors are within me. Their memories, their joys, their traumas, their gifts, their wisdom, and yes – their dances, their practices, their knowings. It’s like… science bahahaha. No, but really. Anyways, as I think to myself about The Void, the darkness, the unknown, and how we deep feelers of the world navigate the literal and metaphorical void, it sounds cheesy to say that I must continue to remember that my ancestors are within me and I was in them before I was born. I am not alone in this void.
SIDE NOTE: Wait. Brief side note. This is not a void! There is no void. Bahahaha. Well I truly still don’t understand what a Black hole is so someone will probably refute me, but when we turn off the lights we are not in a void. It’s just that the LIGHTS ARE OFF bahahaha. The society/culture of disconnection we were raised in has conditioned us to believe that we arose from nothing into some random-ass place that isn’t our home, where we do not belong. This society/culture of disconnection has said that we are separate from who and what has come before us, that we are separate from our ancestors, our history, the other physical beings on this planet, the sun, the stars. The very idea of a void, perhaps is a cultural invention. The idea of “no-thing” or nothing, perhaps is a construct. I kind of wonder: if nothing is nothing, how could nothing exist? Anyways, this is going in so many directions!
Okay back to the topic. My ancestors and their experiences and learnings are there within me when I listen to my own body. I am a continuation of what has come before me. How could I possibly be alone? They are within me. My descendants are within me (wait, will i have kids?). Either way, those who follow, guide, walk with me are also within me and I am within them. I will continue to experiment with this practice of remembering my deep connection to all that ever was, all that is, and all that will be.