Today was an interest session for piloting Raw Movement’s Collective for Space Design and prepping for our gatherings and open house this Spring. A few things that stood out to me: I judged my space. Because it is not like other spaces. And I mentioned this at the end of the Google Meet because I had that judgment in my mind – which is completely engrained neurotypicalism at work. I judged myself because this space is weird hehehe. And when we start, especially, it is quite free and open, because that is what we need. It is joke-y and personal and informal. Because that is where I thrive. I reflected for myself that this is my base level of comfort – lack of excessive social rules and scripts and agendas, space to chill out, a fun and playful vibe, people not taking things so seriously.
I judged myself because it is not a space that centers anything other than our selves and the practice of being ourselves. Yes, there is the making of art. Yes, there is the learning of ancestral and collective history. Yes, there is the collective building and creation of space. But the heart is our practice of being ourselves and reflecting, processing, and being with our bodies. That is what I love, processing the process and then processing it some more. And I definitely judged myself. I definitely compare myself to other teachers and say, what do I have to teach – because it is not what THEY have to teach. They teach facts. They teach history. They teach lineage. And I realize, I teach, too. I teach medicine, intuitively. And it is a lie, a colonized lie, that in order to teach, you need to go to 8 certifications and a million schools sanctioned by an authority. It is a lie that the only way to bring teaching to people is to regurgitate what someone else (a human being) taught us. I receive many of my teachings in my dreams, and I receive lessons from my ancestors.
(Afteredit: I realized while re-reading this to myself, like wtf, Justina – you have two multiple degrees and you are teaching your expertise that you’ve literally created frameworks for. While I absolutely do guide and teach based on dreams and ancestral visions passed down through me, I also have absolutely had a ridiculous amount of formal education in what I am teaching. It is funny how we forget these things while processing our shame storms. I think much of this has to do with that I am a psychologist really and an intuitive medicine worker by calling and not a historian like I perceive others, especially Black women.)
I am so busy comparing myself to others that sometimes I forget. I ask my dreams for the answers, for how to guide folks, for what needs to be uncovered, and the answers are revealed to me. Having a gift of dream guidance, dream seeing, is enough. And I am not here to top-down teach anyone. I am here to gather people together, and to ask questions that we are all exploring; to explore those questions individually and together; to share our knowledge; and to be in the fullness of each of our gifts together.
I feel different because this thing, I want to build it WITH others. And that is not how we’ve been taught. In the past several years, I have become increasingly aware that all that we need to know is within us, in our bodies. The lessons from our ancestors exist just as much (even more so) in our bodies and in our DNA – and not just in the verbal histories or the stories or lessons we can learn from our mentors. The lessons are already pouring out of us in embodied ways. It is not only or simply being able to intellectually remember, but the body also knows. We are already prepared and we are already seeking guidance. It is pouring out of us and seeking US.
Is it funny that my dreams are predicting my own life and the lives of others, and, yet, I still – well my socialization, still says: but you didn’t learn what you know how they learned it, so is it enough? And to that I say, yes. The way of teaching is multifaceted. We learn through observation and mimicry of our mentors. We learn through observation and avoiding those we wish not to mimic. We learn through deconstruction of powers we wish not to mimic. We learn through experimentation and play. We learn through uncovering our own mission, vision, purpose, gifts, and intuitive knowledge gifted from that which is divine. We learn by tuning in to the gifts that have been through lines throughout our lives that are so obvious that we no longer even see it. We learn and have taught ourselves by doing that which flows effortlessly. All that we have to share has already BEEN passed down to us. It is in our DNA, in our cells. As we ground ourselves and listen, we are becoming even more sure that our approach is enough. That the way we work is enough. That the thing that we are doing that is different from “the way things usually are done” is the thing that was meant ONLY for us.